Today on the news they were discussing the very British method of keeping teenagers as murderously miserable and as isolated as possible. The method, invented to keep the teenage riffraff away from ‘volitile’ areas such as street corners and shopping areas in case they run riot and graffiti everything or stab everyone or, god forbid, demand some kind of loving respect and equality, is called ‘the mosquito’ and is a sonar weapon that a Bond villain would be proud. It plays a pattern of piercing high frequency bursts that are unbearable to anyone under 20 years old.
Apparently there are thousands around the country and they are indiscriminate in whom, under 20, they pierce. Mothers wander around shopping malls wondering why their toddlers are going berserk and their babies’ ears are bleeding. Perfectly nice teenagers with A levels and everything find they start snarling at spitting at their parents after a simple trip downtown and 10 year olds are forced to wear hoodies and hang together in tight sulky groups to protect their ears.
Obviously this is a real ‘be seen and not heard’ child torture that could only have been dreamt up by English nannies snorting starch and dreaming of horsehair mattresses.
But, and oh hooorah, in the face of this assault what does the wonderfully ingenious British teenager do? Why, they download the horrible noise onto their mobile phones and play it in class of course. Teachers all over the country have been unable to account for the sudden strange disruptions,howls of rage and clutching of ears by their pupils as they themselves cannot hear the noise being too old and passed it. Serves us all bloody right really.(I wonder if this is all approved under Sharia law.)
I am off to Zambia tomorrow. Next post from roadside cyber café in Lusaka unless the server is down because of the rain…..Tarraaa