


My Beautiful Mum!



Ain’t the Pope a blast? I know he in often misquoted but even so today’s news reported him as stating that saving people from homosexuality is as important as saving the rainforest. The strident woman spokesperson (why do all these very nutty Catholic ladies sound like they are bit actors in ‘C
arry on Matron’?) on the Today programme this morning added to the hilarity by calling gender theory ‘bad science’. Bad science?? This…..from the CATHOLICS for crissakes! And gay condemnation from the Pope, a man who wears a frock and can’t have sex. Risible and mean and yet another religious leader feeding people’s intolerance and fear giving licence for more violence and segregation. It makes me reel backwards into the arms of atheism.. I mean where are the messages of comfort and hope, tolerance, brotherly love, joy and solidarity? Bah, humbug!
I am hopeful for 2009 even if I sound a bit grim. For revolution and for change there needs always to be rupture. The global recession may reawaken resourcefulness and cooperation. A new American president may bring an end to torture, rendition and begin to petition for common sense. Ambient moisture machines may lead the way to clean water for all and on and forth.
After all it is Christmas and I hope you are all able to sneak in some rest and recuperation and gird loins for the New Year! I send both my love and the wisdom of my forefathers:
If at first you don’t succeed then sky diving is not for you.
I’ve been tagged by the marvellous Family Affairs http://familyaffairsandothermatters.blogspot.com/and the fabulous Fleeing Muses http://www.fleeingmuses.blospot.com/! Its a Christmas themed one…who’d have thought it eh? So here we go!
My dad won’t arrive here. My Dad will be in Lusaka probably seeing sick people over Xmas. (He is a doctor..not a weirdo..) I know he will put on a grotty, extremely old Santa suit and after arriving at t

7 things I’m doing instead of prepping for Xmas
7 Things I can’t do this Xmas
7 Xmas wishes
7 things I say as Xmas approaches
7 celebs for Xmas dinner
· Russell T Davis – genius screenwriter behind ‘Queer as Folk’ and ‘Dr Who’.
· Richard Armitidge – I thought the actor David Tenant was as sexy as it got. R
ichard Armitidge playing ‘Lucus’ in the TV show ‘Spooks’ makes David look like Widow Twanky. No idea what he’s like…don’t really care. Will just get him to serve the food naked.
· Shami Chakrabarti – my age and already a CBE, Shami is the
voice of Liberty the human rights organisation. She always reminds me of my older sister, brilliant, ferocious and quite small.
· Satish Kumar – I met him in Devon when I was a student and he was so beautiful, gen
tle and wise. He is the editor of Resurgence Magazine http://www.resurgence.org/ and a spokesperson for all things ecological and sustainable.
· Missy Elliot- one of the mo
st talented producers and musicians of the last 20 years, Missy is inspirational. She unfortunately recently made a song with the Pussycat Dolls but she made them look ridiculous so I forgive her.
· Damon Albern- the front man of Blur and Gorrilaz has been th
e instigator and co-creator behind the musical opera ‘Monkey’. He seems to have genuine interest n things outside of his own fame and fortune. Unheard of!
· As Armitidge will be serving food (I said NAKED man..get that off..) I thought I’d slip in an extra guest.. Graeme Green- the bespectacled one of The Goodies. His acerbic wit has been cutting the
edge of a remarkable amount of comedy ever since. I could have gone with a younger comedian but almost all of them have nicked material from Graeme anyway…
So I prefer my lot who are useless when it comes to the actual connections (my phone goes dead on average once a month) but when I get through to ‘John’ in Mumbai he is occasionally still gripping onto his sense of humour with his fingernails.
But enough of that… .
I wasn’t having a partially good week. Reya had asked me if I missed being ensconced in my book and I can only say I have been BEREFT! I know I should just start another whilst my friendly editor does the first read through but my brain has gone into a sulk of withdrawal. It freezes up at job applications, won’t turn over when prepping proposals for possible bursaries, doesn’t light up at the prospect of the gym. My brain has been sitting in a corner with its arms crossed sighing and puffing out its cheeks and refusing to participate.
Pol and I were off to the Egg Theatre in Bath to see Hattie Naylor. She is a horribly talented, award-winning writer (annoyingly beautiful too) who has transferred her darkly funny gothic radio version of ‘The Nutcracker’ onto the stage and
we had been invited for opening night. The original story by Hoffman was not at all the sickly sweet, sugarplum faired, ballet version most of us have come across. It was a dark, grotesque children’s story about revenge and black magik. At half time a small child behind me was heard to say ‘I don’t want to watch anymore. Its too creepy’. Perfect fare for Xmas!
Paul Dodgeson had composed marvellous music; songs and sound effects that made me jump, hiss, grin and sing and all in all, apart from being shot in the eye by a lump of confetti during the end fight sequence it was a great evening and I thoroughly recommend the play!
My brain however is still refusing to participate. I got home hoping it would have got over its sulk but no. It doesn’t want to do anything but write zombie thrillers and refuses to even contemplate helping me get organised for my trip to Tarragona to see Mum at Christmas or to prepare for a potential job interview in the New Year. Apart from cutting its gin ration I am held to ransom until it pulls itself together.

Was it ever thus or is it worse? I just cannot remember a time when there was a decent stretch without famine, war or ecological disaster. In the early 90’s to cope with it all I decided with my partner that ‘permaculture’ was the one true way. It meant looking at you feet, the ground you were standing on, your home, the people around you and designing ecological and responsible systems for the area you lived.
My then man and I set up the ‘Exmouth Earth Bank’ in Devon, a local charity shop and information centre dedicated to the promotion of all things sustainable from worm bins to recycled sanitary towels (don’t ask). We took over an old corner shop and painted it with organic milk based paint. It smelt like a dairy. We set up a Local Trading System and I helped my partner begin a vegetable box scheme involving and supporting local organic farmers. All this we did for free working in dead end jobs to pay the rent. And it felt great..for a while.
The only problem was that what had seemed romantic and worthy soon proved to be a bit of a grinding bore. We became friends with wonderful, innovative people but would also constantly attract the odd balls of the community; raw gallic eating fructivores who had vowed to never wash, teenage travellers with dogs on strings and stripped woolly socks who only wanted enough gardening skills to grow skunk and cider apples and who disappeared off whenever there was digging to be done, the local Marxist with his rather large shoulder chip.
I became disenchanted, especially in the cold, wet, often frozen earth of England with the constant disapproval of much of the local conservative community. I didn’t seem to know anyone who read anything but instruction manuals on compost toilet systems and solar panels made from old radiators. Secretly I wanted to make films, to write, I wanted to travel. I wanted romance, not to spend the rest of my days packing onions, organic or no, into cardboard boxes in a freezing shed with chapped lips and only enough money for a couple of pints at the end of the week. We were saving up to buy land, some mud soaked field we could start our new life on in some freezing caravan.
For me it was never going to work. I chickened out but I have always thought that eventually I’ll return to it all…. just not quite yet!
However, long story short and all that and to cheer us all up I found a couple of absolutely daft photos of me in that life and thought they might make you chuckle

———————————————————-

Talking about finding dosh in a sock I am still unable to vacuum my living room as I haven’t found the £50 a loving relative slipped me for good behaviour several weeks ago. It was in a tiny plastic money bag and I went and dropped it…I know it was inside and I have searched everywhere but with dodgy eyes I can’t seem to find it. Given as this is an entire month’s gym membership, a week of my Vodaphone cell phone bill or half a day of my heating expenses you can see how this might be rather perturbing. I am sure it will turn up…like my blue butterfly earrings.
Might have to get out of bed and look properly. Oooofffff alright already..…give us a minute….


Caleb:
They were originally given barracks together but after a few weeks Caleb was taken with the other children to a different part of the settlement. He was frightened and cried for his mother but children are resilient and after a while he got used to the new way of life. He saw his parents less and less, usually for a brief hug and chat in the evening. Eventually it was less then once a week. By the time he was 13 he hardly thought of them as his parents at all. He could still pick them out in a crowd but he no urge to run to them for anything. He had become closer to his friends, the other children with whom he shared his days, the older adults who were bought into teach and care for them including the 76-year stone-deaf gardener, Old Grover.
On November 18th 1978 Grover and Caleb were part of the gang digging swales and ditches into the hillside adjoining the settlement. No one was concentrating on their work. For the first time that he could remember, Caleb had seen strangers in the community. Men in suits and with cameras and microphones had arrived the day before led by a handsome man the adults referred to as The Congressman. They had been secluded in the Pavilion, talking with The Leader and had emerged angry leaving en mass in the night.
Planes had flown overhead earlier heading for the airfield at Port Kaituma and Caleb had even seen some of his fellow settlers getting into land rovers with suitcases and bags that very afternoon. Now in the field it was as if everyone was waiting for something, like waiting for a storm to break. Finally people gave up the pretence of work and just stood silently looking down on the rickety prison like town. Grover caught Calebs’s eye and signalled for him to come and help dig further down the field towards the edge of the jungle. Reluctantly Caleb did as he was told but five minutes later came the ear splitting screech and wail of the ever present loudspeaker and The Leader’s voice boomed out sending a flock of snowy egrets and wood doves white and smoke grey frantically flapping up into the air.
Jim Jones called for his people to come to the Pavilion. The day was turning now and people would have been heading home from the fields anyway but this was different. The Leader sounded odd, his words were slurred. Caleb didn’t want to go but there was no dissent in Jonestown. Once he had refused to help in the kitchen and they had hung him upside down in a well until he had fainted. And anyway what could be frightening about a town meeting? Perhaps they were just going to have to move again.
He had been about to follow the others already moving off down the hill when old Grover had grabbed him firmly by the wrist and signalled ‘Stop! Lie down!’ Caleb had looked into those old rheumy eyes and lain down in the ditch right then and there next to the old man. Caleb saw that Grover had been digging two deep ditches just for them both all this time. They stayed there with their faces pressed in the dirt listening to the terrible diatribe that came vomiting out over the loudspeaker. The leader first engaging and encouraging and then ranting and shouting.
“I don’t care how many screams you hear, I don’t care how many anguished cries, death is a million times preferable to ten more days of this life. If you knew what was ahead of you – if you knew what was ahead of you, you’d be glad to be stepping over tonight
The loudspeaker crackled and feedback burnt holes of sound in the sky. Grover was sobbing. Caleb could hear him crying into the earth. All night they lay there feeling the insects crawling over their skin and the trickle of sandy soil and in the morning the military arrived with the grinding of land rover gears and the shouts of command. At midday they were discovered by a Guyanese soldier who looked like he had seen the devil. ‘All dead,’ he kept saying. ‘All dead’
And indeed they were, 918 people men woman and children had been led up to drums of cyanide, potassium cyanide and potassium chloride mixed with Kool Aid and encouraged to give it to their children and then drink themselves. Their deaths must have been quick but painful but there had been little if any resistance. The Congressmen and several others had been murdered as they tried to evacuate a few of the terrified families by airlift and it was this it seemed that was the signal to prepare the drums of poison. The already drug addled and paranoid Jim Jones was catapulted into a complete megalomaniac meltdown
dragging nearly a thousand people down with him into his personal hell.
The terrible strangeness and ugliness of what became known as The Jonestown massacre resonated around the world with photographs taken from the air of the hundreds of bodies lining in concentric circles around the vats of poison. Jim Jones had been found shot to death but if by suicide or by another’s hand no one would tell. The photos headlined the Times, Newsweek and the international press. People could not understand how a mother could voluntarily walk up to a vat of poison, drip it into her baby’s mouth and then drink herself. Another layer in the nightmare.
Grover and Caleb were repatriated to the states and were separated in spite of Grover’s attempts to hold onto Caleb. He was too old they said and wouldn’t be able to deal with a teenage boy. Eventually Grover went to stay with a cousin in Florida and Caleb was put into foster care and promptly forgotten.