You know when you listen to your recorded voice..if you hear yourself on an answer phone or on an old cassette…and it sounds daft or just odd? Well, I feel the same way when I catch sight of my reflection or see myself in photos. ‘Who is that ridiculous woman?’ I hiss. ‘What a funny face. What an odd shape.’
Running my mouth.
Did I run? I did not. Partly because I got a text at 5am from a bored friend trapped at Luton airport, thought ‘ah well… I’m awake now I might as well get up,’ and then promptly fell into a deep abyss of dreamless sleep and woke up only just in time to scramble over to the CAB offices to answer phone calls from distressed, depressed and occasionally extremely unpleasant folk in various stages of crises. Kind of lost the will to live after that.
New Year all round.
So here I am in the next year of my life.
To tell you the truth it feels a little bit like the last one only a bit stiffer.
As still feeling hungover from lovely gentle birthday bash in rain I will keep this short. Also will have to get a decent nights sleep as I promised myself I would start running again in the mornings. What kind of an idiotic birthday gift to self is that? Why didn’t I promise myself more time to write or less spent on organic food and more on decent wine? Ah well..perhaps that will all happen too.
More soon me dears.
Birthday Solstice
Holy smoke..what heppened to the time? must have been that vintage cider!
Ladies and gentlement, tomorrow is the summer solstice and..yup..my birthday. Tis all a bit bemusing to be off an age where most people have children, mortgages, bald spots, and savings. I have …an over active imagination, an exhausted liver and always the feeling of discombobulation that makes me feel that i am still searching for something elusive , strange and truly beautiful.
Maybe this year eh?
Fairly magik
Yesterday I went to the Town and Country Fair with my floaty neighbour.. The weather was chilly and sunny in equal bursts with occasional splodges of fat rain drops …there is nothing quite like the English summer. My eyes have been a bit difficult this last week so at first I was subdued and sullen wandering around between the organic jam stalls and the sheep shearing.
Things brightened up considerably after I bumped into the vintage cider stall however. A swift glug or three and it all became ‘perfekedly charmin’. ‘
You Lookin’ At Me?
Taxi driver: You got tunnel vision then..
Me: I..err. well ye…..
Taxi driver: Its that stick what give it away. I saw it and I thought that one’s got tunnel vision. I was going to give you a hand but then you was in already.
Silence
Me: (realising I was supposed to comment) Err …so you know about …tunnel vision..
Taxi Driver: Yeah I meet lots of them people and their dogs. In fact I am in charge of organising a training thing…um..whasit called?
Me: An awareness training?
Taxi driver: Yeah, yeah that’s right. Awareness training.
Me: That’s great. What on earth made you decide to do that?
Taxi Driver: Well we have to really. One of our drivers ..he’s foreign ..he wouldn’t take this woman in his cab..it was the dog. He just refused..and it was raining and that.
Poor thing. She ended up going on her way crying and it was even night…and then there were complaints.
Me: (Poor, poor, poor woman) Poor woman.
Taxi Driver: The bloke wouldn’t believe he had done nuffink wrong. He took it all the way to Crown Court before they threw it out.
Me: What an ass…idiot. So its because of him..?
Taxi Driver: Not really. His mate. See, he gave his taxi insurance over to his mate and his mate won’t take them people either. I’ve given him a warning..I’ve told him that as a licensed cabbie he bloody has to unless he applies for special dispensation for allergy or that.
(pause)
I mean I take them all the time. Just have a hoover in the back for the dog hair. Its no trouble. With a hoover. I like dogs.
Silence
Me: (Oh good grief..more?) So you are organising an awareness…
Taxi Driver: Yeah that’s right. That one will be there. The one what won’t take them people. He’s foreign too. I think they probably eat them dogs or something in their country…that’s the problem.
Me: (Sweet Jesus!) Yeaaahh….I think it is to do with issues of cleanliness and purity..some conflict with religion although I have not ever met a mullah who says Guide Dogs are unclean..
Taxi Driver: Mu..wha?
Me: Never mind..It’s great what you are doing.
Taxi Driver: Well..as I say I had to really. There will be this blind lady telling us stuff and her dog and her daughter. You know and we’ll even take her out for a nice pub lunch after.
Me: I am sure she’ll be really pleased..
Taxi driver: Yeah well.. its hard for these people..they don’t have much of a life do they…
Me: (?!!!***?) Apparently not…Oh sorry..must answer my phone….….
Wordless Wednesday
Obfuscate (Tanvir Bush(c) 2008
Fag Ash Bill
In an attempt to cheer myself up I send out invitations to an impromptu BBQ for Sunday and then I get all lycra’d up and head to the gym.
I slip past two innocuous middle-aged men standing into the doorway of the gym. They are smoking.
‘Smoking outside the gym? Very brave.’ I josh
‘You have a problem with that?’ replies one flatly.
I glance over my shoulder at him. His tone was really nasty. The other chap had laughed with me and now looks at his friend and falters… This mean one is fatter and redder. He wants to fight me. He actually want to fight me…..in the morning …with the sun shining..and for nothing more then the fact that he thinks I was being sarcastic about him smoking……I stop, astounded and he stares at me with narrowed piggy eyes, oozing such hatred I feel like he has already pushed his smouldering cigarette into my face.
Mugabe and the Vasda Nerada
Mugabe walks up to the UN podium stiffly, like the terrifying spaceman taken over by the Vashda Nerada in Dr. Who last week. I know I know…this is possibly not the most academic when it comes to serious political analysis but the Vashda Narada in Dr. Who live in the shadows, are deadly and are called the piranhas of the air, reducing anything that comes in to their path to bones and dust. A comparison has to be made surely. They have taken over and have feasted on any humanity left in Mugabe’s silk suit encrusted body and now are going on to reduce Zimbabwe to a pile of skeletons. . The walk gives it away.. (You’ll thank me for this when the truth comes out…)
Quickie on Thursday
Errr…did not get the job.
This is going to lead to a miserable weekend
I think i will get back into my real purpose in life!!!
Have a good weekend me dears!!!!!